Day 30 – One thing you are excited for

This is the last day of this long writing- challenge-journey and I can’t believe I made it so far.  At least, this is a proof showing me that I can finish something, even something so small like that, if I put some work of dedication in it.  I can stop beating around the bush and start developing my story on which I am working for two months.

So, back to the point, one thing I am really excited about is : 2016! I am on tenterhooks when it comes to the new year / next year, maybe because I always rise my hopes too high, but I can hardly wait for it. I have big plans for it. At least, starting my master degree, I can barely wait for it to go into UK’s university. I have always had this curiosity of how different is studying in another country, the way of teaching, the clubs in which I can enroll during my study, the people I would meet along the way. The whole experience I would gain, I can feel how my hair prickles when I think about it.

I can’t tell you for how long I have been dreaming for studying abroad. I had in mind to quit my bachelor degree and went studying all over abroad, but I was discouraged by financial difficulties and eventually settled down on finishing my first degree in social science. Little by little, this desire evolved and became a dream that I told myself I would fulfill no matter what. I wouldn’t lie if I said that I was discouraged by some friends, they tried to talk me out of it, not to do it, simply because I lacked financial support. I was told to be unrealistic, day-dreaming, single-minded even irresponsible towards my future, but I didn’t give up. As a result, I have learned another life lesson, that I should just get rid of the negativity in my life and if that means not being a friend with someone, so be it. I am not trying to justify my case, not at all, but it’s one thing to give your friend an open and honest advice when he needs it and other thing to say that he will not succeed and that his head is in the clouds.

Eventually,  I have been offered a place in the University of Edinburg, which was one of the brightest moments in this year. I am hoping that in 2016 I will be able to study there.

I am excited about the prospect ahead, what is in store for me in the future and I am ready to take whatever it is with open hands. Without forgetting to hope for the best and to aspire to do my best!

2016, buckle up, I am coming!

 

DAY 29- Your 21st Birthday’s night

When I looked at this day’s topic I started wondering why exactly the 21^st? What is so special about it anyway? Then I see the light and it struck me that this has to do with the western culture as this is the big moment when you are allowed to do whatever you want as you become an adult by law at that time. In other words, you are officially an adult, or at least ,you think so, as some of us are not so blessed and can’t figure out their life until the age of 29, for instance. But that is another topic of discussion with which I don’t have the intention to engage you.

Speaking frankly and honesty, I don’t hold much recollection from my 21^st birthday, in general about my birthdays at all. The thing I have a tendency not to make so much big deal out of it, for me my birthday is evidence how much I achieve throughout the year that passed. It is something like pre-new-year resolution plan in which I pour down my hopes and dreams and try to make some kind of plan and follow them.

My 21^st birthday was before six years ago, which make it that it was in 2009. How wonderful, it  was my second year of studying Psychology and Social work. When I look back it seems to me like an entire life-time, somewhere in the distant past in far-distant galaxy maybe. Why the time has to fly so fast? Why these things happen in the first place? It was the time of Lady Gaga’s Pocker Face and Katty Perry’s Hot n Cold, but also was the time when Coldplay released their album ‘Viva La Vida’ which is my favorite! Also, it was the year when North Korea conducted nuclear test, president Obama announces 30,000 more troops to Afganstan and Michael Jackson  died at the age of 50. The world would never be the same and we can only get involved in this mind-blowing time adventure.

If I think about it with great consideration I can remember that the night of my 21^st birthday was the last time when I feel the coziness of being surrounded by my friends from high –school, from the university and other ways of acquitting them. It was before the speed up of the life to change things. You know the phrase ‘You have changed!’, at least you feel the urged to say it to someone or someone say it to you. I have experienced it both ways.

Now, upon reflection, if someone would say this to me today, I would say that I did change, but only those who know me well can tell for sure whether this change is positive or negative one. On the other hand, should we not be able to evaluate the measure of our changing whether it is progressive or regressive. Let us be our own judges.

Remembering the night of that birthday, I am divided between feeling of nostalgia and happiness. I remember that there was that dress code which appeared at first as a joke, but eventually it turned out to be true. Me and my friends were first at some sort of restaurant, having a dinner before the real fun began after that we went to a bar and eventually the night ended up in our favorite Karaoke place. There was a laugh, silly jokes and dancing. It was fun, it was nothing grand, just friends who had a really good time together.

DAY 28-word /phrase you use constantly

‘Oh my God!’

Yes, this is definitely my phrase. Now that I admit that to myself , there is the squinky voice of Janise in my head saying it a million times. After all, everyone has phrase which follow him like a shadow after every third sentence. Ned Stark ‘s one was ‘Winter is coming!’, when exactly it will come after all you might ask when he repeats it almost constantly.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the first person to use “OMG” was a 75-year-old British admiral,his name was John Arbuthnot “Jacky” Fisher, 1st Baron Fisher of Kilverstone, and he coined the term while writing his memoirs in 1917. The exact phrase was: “I hear that a new order of Knighthood is on the tapia — O.M.G (Oh! My God!) — Shower it on the Admiralty!“.

Most of the time, I really don’t have the foggiest idea why I use it so often, but it happens and I can’t stop myself from not doing it sometimes. It is like parasite phrase which has attached itself to your everyday manner of speech and expression. I use it even in my own native language so often that there are times when I catch myself saying it and I think that I should have said something else instead. The problem is that I use it almost for every possible specter of emotions (from surprise to utter disgust) that can occur and this is in some way or another irritable. But, we should accept the inevitable fact that this phrase is so useful and so easily compatible that we overuse it without thinking twice.

I am thinking about that NOW, because by using some specific words quite so often or overusing them, we tie ourselves down to a specific limit of speech expression and in our heads pop up the question ‘Shouldn’t I say it in a different way?’. However, that happens only upon reflection, when we play reminiscences of conversations in our heads, otherwise the spontaneity of the speech would be lost.

Every so often I try not to say ‘Oh my god!’, instead I only say ‘oh, my ‘ or in writing to a friend I simply put down ‘oh my stars’ and the person know what is that about.

Another phrase/ word I use every so often is ‘fantastic’ . This is relatively recent phenomenon, maybe I’ve started to overuse that word before three/ four months, since this was the time when I started to feel at easy when I talk with native English speakers. And when someone says something I am like  ‘Oh, really, fantastic!’ which lead to more repetitious usage of this word and before I knew it, it had become part of my every day vocabulary.

 

 

DAY 27 – What you wore today

 

Today is Monday and I had that clear intention in mind to wear something basically simple like a sweater and jeans, but eventually I had a change of heart. Like the proverb goes ‘The morning is wiser than the night’. It was kind of windy today as it has been recently, after all it’s December, but the rays of sunshine which came out between the clouds gave me a hope not to bury myself in my most winter clothes. I have a confession to make, since I ‘ve moved here (in England) me and the weather, we just have had a horrible relationship, every time I dress for a nice sunny afternoon, it turns out to be a gloomy one and the opposite. We just don’t get along, that’s it.

So, where I was? Oh, today, yes!

Today, I wore one of my favorite dresses, it is red and black –squired, a fancy skater dress, not too fancy for a party I deem it, but perfect for going out. There are ‘golden’ buttons on its sleeves which makes it more snazzy which is in perfect combination with the black ‘belt ‘. I enjoy wearing that dress, because it’s so casual in way of wearing it, I can put a fancy coat with it or just my denim jacket and it will look lovely either way. It is a present from my grandmother and I must admit after all these years, she has a pretty good taste of fashion.

These shots are from today, as you can see the dress is pretty lovely. ( I am afraid I cut off my fringe far too short this time, but anyway, it will grow again!!!)And this one is from the end of the summer, If am not wrong is the end of August this year and on that particular day was pretty windy too! (And cold, it was freezing, i was shaking to death and i wanted to get home as fast as I could!) 

However, today I considered it wisely enough not to wander the streets towards my work wearing this denim jacket, but my parka jacket with enough wool inside to keep me warm and to make me feel like a grizzly bear.

 

 

Day 26- things you’d say to an ex

This is too personal and I wouldn’t like to refer to only one person, so I will say things which relate to my relationships’ partners in general, not that they are many.

Thank you for accepting me as who I am, with all my flaws in my character. For getting to know me as I am or at least the level in which I give you myself. Thank you for your understanding, for the patience, for the kindness. I want to tell you that I remember the moments we share, I cherish them and keep them close to me. Thank you for being part of them. I know that there are moments when my childishness was putting to test your resilience and patience, but you were so understandable and kind. You taught me how to be not ashamed of who I am, how I should be proud of myself, how everything has a way to feel into place in the end.

I want to give your my gratitude for showing me that the world is not only black and white, but there is so much to be seen, if I only open my eyes for it. For giving me a chance to explore and find the little joys in the day, even in one ordinary day. Thank you for showing me the magic.

Thank you for the time when you gave me reasons not to be so naïve, not to take everything as it is. Showing me the meaning behind the words and the silence that doesn’t need to be filled with words. Giving me reasons not to act on a whim and to take precautions, to know what is at stake and what is worth fighting for. When I should fight and when I should give up, when I should cease to chase ghost that are no longer there.

Thank you for teaching me that I should put myself first, before anyone else and that there is no point of changing myself for someone. Neither, should I change the other person.

Last, but not least, thank you for showing me that sometimes even with the strongest power in the world something ‘temporary ‘ can’t be changed into something ‘permanent ‘.

Thank you for your lessons, dear lover.

Hope you remember me.

 

 

 

 

Day 25 – five weird traits you hav

 

That post I should have posted yesterday, but I didn’t find much time to sit on the computer, so I will try to make up for it today. First of all, I don’t know exactly what falls into the category ‘weird’ these days, I mean look around so many personal traits can be identified as that by so many random people. Secondly, I regard every ‘weird’ or ‘aberrant ‘ trait in someone’s character as a piece of the person’s puzzle, something which makes him/her to stand out and shine with its own light.

1. Filling the empty space within the letters

Sometimes, I do this, especially if the shrift in which the text is written is relatively large. I just fill the gaps in them, because I like the way the ‘a’ or ‘e’ stand when the gaps in them are covered.

2. Check more the twice

   

 

I don’t know why I do it, but when I go out and I need to get something out of my bag and do something with it, no matter the object, and then I put the object back in my bag, after a while I walk and I have this compulsive urge to check whether the object is in the bag, once or twice. It’s so irritable sometimes that I can hardly put up with myself.

 

3. Making up names

   

I should confess, in general ,I am terrible at remembering people’s names when I meet them first, but who isn’t. However, I have a tendency to make up a name for  people I met, figuring out in my mind what best could suit that person, simply because I don’t remember it. Usually, when I don’t have  recollections of the person’s name, I am too abashed and mortified in order to dare what is the actual name. I just wait something to come up and the name to be mentioned.

 

4. Always do something in the opposite order

Yes, especially, when it comes down to ‘multiple choice’ type of questions. When I do a test I never do the questions in the order they are given , I start from the bottom to the top. Instead starting with question “one”, I will go to question “forty “ and see what is that fuss about it.

 

5. Can’t sleep in messy room

Don’t get me wrong on that, I am not  a person who would clean up or rearrange everything in every free moment or trying to put everything in order every time something is out of place. BUT I want the room where I will pass out after an exhausting day to be clean and tidy and presentable when I wake up in the morning, without a bundle of clothes on the floor for example.

 

 

Day 24 – something you miss

 

I remember having brought it before few years after Christmas time. I didn’t go out searching for something in particular, I even didn’t need it when I took it at that time. But, when I saw it, there is a sudden craving in me and small little voice in me was whispering to get it right now before it was too late. That’s the story how I purchased my favorite pullover, like many other things on a whim. However, little did I know how special it would be for me when I brought it.

We have had so many memories together, like I can’t even count them on my hands’ fingers.

Going back in time when it was summer and I was making a stroll in the beach, with a lover or potential one, wearing it. It was chilly evening and I got start to fill the cold wind playing with my hair. My companion offered his jacket, but I declined politely saying that I have something on my own. I just took out from my bag the sweater and filled the warm around me. I remember only the sea, how the waves were crashing around, fighting each other for supremacy before disappearing in a form of a foam. The streets were busy with people, the street lamps illuminated the darkness, there was such a buzz around, such frenzy in such a lovely night. It was one of these nights when you want to merge with the crowd instead standing out of it, when the life of the people pour esinto the city’s veins.

What about the time when I was with a friend, having together a laugh, despite not having seen each other in a long term, how the moment we met the distance of the time vanishes immediately into the tin air. Then we would watch some silly TV comedy for millions of times like before, eating too much French fries and popcorn.

The time took its toll in the end, my pullover was not in its prime, there is a place where a thread was coming out of the fabric, but I didn’t mind as long as it’s cozy inside of it. Especially the times when my grandmother would wake me up with the aroma of ready-made pancakes coming from the kitchen.  The hot milk and the jam of strawberry were waiting for me in the kitchen table in the cold December morning and I would just nestle up in my pullover and pajamas listening to my grandmother’s nagging to eat one more of her pancakes.

You can see I don’t easily get attach to things, but this pullover holds all the coziness of the world and smells just like home.

Day 23 – a family number you dislike

 

This will be my shortest answer in this 30 days writing challenge so far. A family number I dislike, sorry for the disappointment, but this sounds too childish for me even to consider.

I grew up in a tight- knitted family and I am grateful for that, grateful for my family and happy to be part of it. With risk to be too personal here, I will tell you that I was brought up by my father, since my parents got divorced when I was a year and half old. I was under the wings of my grandmother and my aunt (my father’s sister) who taught me so much about the world and everything around. I couldn’t express my gratitude to them in a way they really appreciate it, so only ‘thank you’ would be far from being enough here.

I am really thankful to be born in this family, as the saying goes that you can choose you friends, but your family you can’t. Well, in my case, they actually did choose me instead of the other way around. I am talking about choice here, because back at that time, in 1980s, in my country was rare thing someone to come from one –parent family, let alone with father only, as the society at that time held a stigma on being in that kind of situation. However, against all the odds, my father and grandmother were determined not to give up on me. I would lie if I said that everything in my childhood was a bed of roses, especially when I had been asked by the other children why I didn’t know where was my mum, but I was considerably happy and joyful child.

What I am saying here is that you should be grateful for your family, they are the people who would love you, no matter what. As my father loves to joke ‘Do we have even a choice? ‘.

Day 22 –your morning routine

I want to warn you, I am not a morning person, I have never been.  Few days ago, I was speaking with a friend and we were joking how we did manage to wake up so early in the morning for high school. As we were laughing, I swallowed my pride and excepted that I probably have become lazier than before and that early –birdy thing is tantamount to mission impossible for me, sometimes these days.

My morning routine is USUALLY as it fallows:

8:30 my alarm goes on and I want to hit it with the immense straight of thousand exploding stars. I just press ‘pause’ in waiting for the next one, which will be on after exactly ten minutes.

 

8:50 okay, fine, I am alive and woken up. With slow movements, I shift away from my bed and go to the bathroom. If I am lucky enough, it would be vacant, did I mention that I live in a share house with a lot of people there? Yes, the struggle is real when you need the loo.

9:20 I am in the kitchen trying to find the traces of the grapefruits, lemons and oranges. Where are you fruits when I need you the most? When I find them, I make myself a fresh out of them. I used to drink orange juice, but I decide that it was high time for me to change the routine. As I am downstairs, I hope that nobody would be up or at least not in the house at that time. I am just not cheerful in the morning and I don’t feel the urge to talk in the mornings or at least not until I fully wake up.

Around 9 :40 back in my room, eating a muesli in front of my computer while watching something on BBC, usually The Norton Graham show. Every night I pledge to myself that in the morning I will revise what I have written before I go to sleep or edit it, but it doesn’t happen that way.

10:20 -12 :00 Studying or should I say struggling with my knowledge of German language. Yes, I am studying it, on my own and sometimes it seems as I might have done a grave mistake, but I am a tough nut to crack, so… In fact, I am reading Harry Potter and the philosopher’s stone in Germant the moment, I am hoping that I would manage to read all of the series.

Day 21 – Your zodiac / horoscope and whether you think it fits you

 

I am born on 29^th of October, so my zodiac sign is Scorpio. Actually, I was born prematurely, being seven months baby who was too excited to see the world than staying in the womb. If I had been born as a nine months baby, my birthday would have been in December, maybe on the New Year Eve, but who knows for sure.

When it comes down to reading my horoscope, which I haven’t done for months, I don’t put much thought on it. How can I say this? I don’t consider that the positions of the planets or the stars to have some (if any ) impact upon my behaviour’s predispositions and characteristic traits in general. I am not that kind of person who is going to be excited by the fact that Mars is in cancer sign tomorrow and that might make me impatient and too emotional. For me, this is just hilarious and I can just laugh it off at the very moment. My aunt always tells me how stubborn I am in some of my bias ideas concerning the world and how that inflict my point of view. Well, maybe she is right, but despite her unquenchable desire to talk me into accepting the importance of the zodiac predictions, I prefer to take a stand and not to give up on my obstinacy.

So, let’s begin with this experiment. For this, I simply typed on google search ‘’ Scorpio sign characteristics” and opened up the first website that appeared in front of the screen, then I picked three of the characteristics in the list.

Negative traits :

Jealous – it said that I am extremely passionate and jealous. Yes, I can be, but it depends on the situation, sometimes I can be jealous of the fact that the girl next to me can order a whole bunch of muffins and I am like ‘You should be strong!”. Now, seriously, I can be jealous only if am given tangible reason to act in that way.

Secretive- according to this I would rather trust cats than people, after all they are as secretive and mysterious as me, so it’s  a perfect match. I would just swap this for reserved instead as I am quite reserved towards different people. Sometimes, I don’t need a good reason not to be friendly and open towards someone when my guts tell me that is not the best idea.

Manipulative – oh, God, I wish that was true! I have such a plans for this world , alas I am not born for this. Yes, we all can manipulate the others when we know their weak spots, but I feel like I am doing something downright wrong even when I only think about manipulation. When a discover some evidence of manipulation I start to question the person in mind and what possibly could prompt him into acting in such deceitful way.

Positive traits :

Focused – this is so not me, I am easily distracted almost all the time. There are cases when I just catch myself thinking about something completely out of the topic when I talk with someone and I listen only to snitches of what the person says. It does not happen all the time, but when it does I feel myself embarrassed by it. Maybe that explains why I would prefer to read several different books at once, instead of focusing my attention on only one.

Ambitious – yes, I still have plans for conquering the world! To be honest, I am quite ambitious, indeed, but my perspective is more level –grounded and down to Earth. There is a difference between overambitious and realistic ambition. I would say that I am from the latter rather than the former. It is fantastic when someone has goal and dreams, since this is one of the driven wheels in life, but we need to be critical enough towards ourselves when it comes to fulfilling these desires and dreams.

Faithful – I would like to add up to this one , loyal, too. This is profoundly true, I can be your friend forever, if you show me reasons to trust you and you will be given my trust in return. You can tell me your darkest secrets and I will not tell a soul. I can support you if you respond to that in kind. Nothing less, nothing more. For me, every relationship has to be mutual, if it is not, there is no point in sustaining it. But once you abuse my trust, there is no turning back! Remember, I have a sting and I can use it!